Solid Snake, Movie Films, and Euro 2008 Part I

Good day readers. I've been away from the blog for a few weeks being home and then getting back to work. The good news is that there is much to speak of. I've got early impressions of the biggest PS3 release of the year, three movie reviews, and a quick summary of Euro 2008 coming up after the break.

Solid Snake is one of the most legendary game warriors of all time. For 21 years, Snake has been an unstoppable force of nature, and his latest adventure is no exception. Indeed, Hideo Kojima has put every ounce of his creative talents into making Metal Gear Solid 4, and the result is nothing short of extraordinary. This is Kojima's magnum opus, the culmination of his career. MGS4 is the finest game in the series, summarizing the story of the series so far, wrapping up every loose end that has come about over the years, and providing a fantastic story all on its own. Snake participates in a battle of titans, fighting with his twin brother, (also a supersoldier) Liquid Ocelot, throughout the game. Although it starts slowly and features at least as many minutes of cutscene as gameplay, MGS4 has an engaging narrative that will suck you in. More importantly, the fantastic gameplay in between the cutscenes is polished, refined, and supremely entertaining. The game is a technical masterpiece as well, with the best graphics of any game I've ever seen and a fantastic sweeping soundtrack. The character voicing, physics, and particle effects are also very tight and well done. I'm about 15 hours through and truly enjoying every minute. I will get back to you with a full review sometime soon, but at the moment I'd have to hit it with a 9.5/10.

I like to be positive in my posts overall, so I'll give you my most negative movie review first. Against my better judgment, I went with a group of friends to see The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan's latest film. His first wide release (third film overall), The Sixth Sense, is widely regarded as one of the finest Horror films of the 1990's. I thoroughly enjoyed that film, but I consider it the pinnacle of his career. Since 1999, his level of creativity and the quality of his films has plummeted. The Happening is a new low for Shyamalan, and that's saying something after 2006's ridiculous trifle, Lady in the Water. The Happening does have an intriguing opening and is quite compelling for about 20 minutes. At that point, the audience can figure out what's happening (haha... get it?). This, mind you, is at least 30 minutes before the characters in the film even have a clue. If Shyamalan is trying to make a thriller or be mysterious, he fails miserably by giving away the secret right away. Since my hope is that this review will convince you not to see this load of rubbish, I'm going to give away the secret. It's the plants. Yes, plants have decided that humans are bad for the planet, so they release a neurotoxin that causes anybody who breathes it in to become disoriented and then kill themselves. I wish I was making this up.
AHHHHHH! There are TREES in this picture! We're all going to go insane and kill ourselves! ...What?

There is no twist, no surprise to speak of, the phenomenon just randomly stops after a brief period of time. Now then, the concept of the film is hokey and implausible, but the actors really could have saved it and made it into a passable film. Actors have a job to do, and that is to convince us that what they are experiencing is real. Mark Wahlberg may have given the worst performance of his career, with lines so deadpan and lame that they caused me to laugh many times when I am sure that the lines were not intended to be funny. Wahlberg is usually quite talented, so this lack of effort can only be explained by one thing: he didn't believe in the script nor did he find it remotely believable. It's almost as if before every line he went "Really? That's what I'm honestly supposed to say?" His performance is just depressingly terrible. John Leguizamo and Zooey Deschanel don't fare any better, each turning in laughable and weak performances. Again, both of these actors have really done good stuff, but the fact that they are just so pathetic is really a testament to how terrible this story is. I encourage you to avoid this pile of manure on the yard that is cinema and save your $9 for... um... pretty much anything else.

Hey... those are bushes. ZOMG RUN AWAY FROM THE BUSHES!

The Incredible Hulk doesn't make for a very interesting review to be quite honest. The film is miles better than Ang Lee's worthless adaptation of the Hulk from 2003, but that isn't saying too much since it was so bad. After seeing this film, it makes me wonder why on earth Marvel Studios released Iron Man before The Incredible Hulk rather than afterward. Compared to Iron Man, Hulk is kind of a letdown, with much weaker sense of wit and less compelling characters. However, aside from Iron Man, Hulk is the best superhero movie since 2005's Batman Begins. At its core, Hulk is a loud, boisterous, in your face action affair. Edward Norton is excellent as the Hulk, but that is no surprise considering his immense talent. Liv Tyler is appropriately emotional/whiny and William Hurt is appropriately cold. My main complaint about Hulk regards the final scene. It is supposed to be an epic showdown between the Hulk and the Abomination; however it truly will test your patience as it far overstays its welcome. It lasts for a good 30 minutes, and I checked my watch far too many times before it finally ended. Also, Tim Roth turns in a terrible performance and makes an unconvincing villain. He was not entertaining in the slightest, delivering flat and lifeless dialog. I feel like they could have picked so many different actors that would have fit the part much better. Overall, it is a solid film that will entertain fans of the comics, but it has little crossover appeal to those that do not ordinarily appreciate films from the superhero genre.

Finally, I am able to praise a lovely film from Italy, Mio fratello e figlio unico (My Brother is an Only Child). A legendary success in its native country, I was finally able to see it during a limited release at the local Sundance Theater. The movie tells the tale of Accio, the outcast of his small family, joining the Fascist party in Italy circa 1960. Meanwhile his older and more charming brother, Manrico, becomes active in the local Communist party. The two brothers grow up together in a time of great change and political instability. They follow different ideologies and slowly but surely grow apart. Accio ends up always being in his brother's shadow, being disliked by his family, and falling in love with his brother's girlfriend. Set in a small Italian town, My Brother is an Only Child is a delightful story of love, family, politics, and society. It provides a fresh and distinctly non-American perspective on the way society and the government should work while keeping it personal with characters that are deep, likable, and very well written. If you have the chance, do check this one out. And don't be the least bit surprised if this is nominated for Best Foreign Film at the next Academy Awards.

Euro 2008 has been nothing short of extraordinary, with epic finishes and some amazing football all around. The Netherlands look absolutely masterful in their three wins over very capable and solid teams. They dismantled France, Italy, and Romania with little difficulty. Edwin van der Sar, Robin van Persie, Ruud Van Nistlerooy, and Arjen Robben have played stunning football and just make their mastery of the game look effortless.

Italy came back however to snatch a spot in the final 8 by defeating France 2-0. The French were simply not able to put any offense together for the tournament and did not play their best football. They were unable to advance out of the "group of death" as it was called, with only Italy and The Netherlands advancing out of group C. In Group A action, the Turks pulled off one of the greatest Euro comebacks of all-time, scoring twice in the final three minutes to overcome a 2-1 deficit. Nihat Kahveci was Turkey's hero of the day, scoring the final two goals in the 87th and 89th minute. Portugal looked quite well in winning group A, resting all of its star players before their quarterfinal showdown with the Germans. Germany and Croatia advanced from Group B in rather unremarkable fashion. Both sides simply got the job done and played smart to move forward in the tournament. Neither team looks especially dangerous, but we shall see in just a few short days. Michael Ballack did have a brilliant goal in Germany's fixture with Austria, scoring on a free kick from nearly 30 meters. The final group D matches are to be played tomorrow, with Spain already having clinched a spot and Russia and Sweden battling it out for the right to play The Netherlands. Spain has maintained their impeccable form so far, but will they hold tradition and perform poorly in the knockout stages after a superb start? This type of performance is all too familiar from the Spanish, who look fantastic out on the pitch early in the tournament but then quickly lose form in the late stages of play. I wish to see a Spain vs. Netherlands semi-final, so hopefully Villa, Fabregas, Torres, and Silva can carry the team to victory over the perpetually dangerous Italians. There is much more football to be played, tune in to all the games on ESPN Classic, ESPN 2, and ESPN 360 online.

I'm out.

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